When My Husband Lost His Job and I was OK

Kyle lost his job about two weeks ago. 

He wasn't fired, which seems to be the first thing that you're supposed to follow up with because it's the first thing everyone asked. Kyle was not fired. His position was eliminated as part of a downsizing and there are spreadsheets somewhere in the world that make it reasonable that he went to work one morning and came home with his car packed full of framed photos and good pens. 

I don't know.

So much of that story isn't my story at all because it happened to him and I feel like I've grown past the point of appropriating all of my husband's stories just because I'm the one with the blog. Well, I'm working on it anyway. So let's just say that it happened and he called and told me and I sat in our driveway and looked at our house and our kids and our dogs and our life and I thought about all the dentist appointments and I cried. 

Here's the thing. 

I called my mom first. It was short. Shock mostly for both of us and then off the phone because everyone needed to just calm down and IT WAS GOING TO BE OK except when I hung up I couldn't see how it was going to be OK so I called my farthest and oldest friend in Florida and she had me. 

More friends. Texts coming in about party dresses and me responding awkwardly with I don't know and also Kyle lost his job and then all the texts and heart emojis. Two hours until Kyle was coming home so I made tea and sat the kids down and we talked. So weird to hear my calm mom voice but there it was, steady and reasonable and like it was no big thing, and I thought to myself that's because I got it all out with other people. 

And when the kids were done and back to their rooms, I got on Marco Polo and got it out again. 

I've been on Marco Polo almost daily for the last year. I downloaded the app after Alt Summit 2019 when I met the Marco Polo team and wanted to support them. If you haven't used the app, you just record videos and send them to each other. It sounds easy and nothing but the videos build conversations, either with one person or with a group, and suddenly it wasn't just a check-in and a formal goodbye. It was every morning and hey what are you doing and hey I hope your thing goes well today and hey I love you. 

Sometimes the conversations aren't so back and forth. Some people just can't do the video thing and some friendships aren't built for every day. That doesn't feel weird either. It's nice to have the option when I'm thinking about someone and to record the quick hello so it isn't just a Christmas card and someone you used to know in college. 

And the others - the ones that buzz all day and accumulated so much during my Disney trip that I spent an entire Sunday trying to catch up - those ones are the net that caught me. Old friends and work friends and women friends. They're on my phone now, alerts in the corner of the app because I'm still in the airport trying to fly home from two weeks of conference life. They are sitting there with their video stories and their challenges and complaints and so much humanness that I have to wait to press play until I can give them my full attention. And they have caught me a few times this year, giving me a place to put the big feelings so I can brush myself off and function without having to carry them around myself. 

Here's to the net. May we catch each other forever. 

As for the main story - my husband is a damn rock and I have no doubt that he's going to find work soon. Once we spread the word, the job leads came rushing in and now he's probably in the unexpected position of having a few different options to choose from. We'll see. Not counting chickens and yes I did look up state assistance because WTF do I know about that (sitting in my privilege) but I feel solid that we're OK. 

I also left town, as I mentioned, and felt a little horrible about it in the beginning because who hears that her husband lost his job and comes back with, "well, you've got the kids for a couple of weeks because I'm going on vacation" but that's what I did and I have no regrets.

My conferences were each amazing in different ways and I felt the net so hard here in Palm Springs. I also felt my own power to be part of that net and to lift people and support them and be part of their climb up and out of rough things. It's empowering to serve people. It might be the only way to feel better about your own muck.

We get to see each other tonight. Me and my husband. I'm going to lean forward on the plane to see if that makes it fly a little faster. 

I feel like I don't know how to end these posts anymore because I'm out of practice. I had the same issue with Marco Polo in the beginning. I kept ending all of my videos with "Ok, I'll talk to you later, bye" but it sounds weird when you say it five times a day and depending on how awkward and chipper you're being you run the risk that the "bye" turns into "byyeeeeeee" and I am in my late thirties so that doesn't work. Now I just talk and when I finish the thought I hit the button because the conversations run like one big stream of consciousness and that's the net. 

Ok. 

I'll talk to you later. 

Bye. 

>>>> photo by Calvina Photography

 

2 comments

Christine

This was beautiful and you guys are definitely going to be ok. ❤️

Rosemarie Treece

Dear Carly:
After we moved here from California, Jeff obtained and lost three jobs in 18 months. He had a well-paying job in California that we left behind, but the job market here was so different! I was almost 38 weeks along with child #3 and knew I had to have another C-section. We had medical insurance through the end of the month, then what? All of these worries were on my mind as I drove the boys to preschool. Taylor chimed in with, “When I grow up, I’m going to be a mailman, and when I get fired from that job I want to be a garbage man, @nd when I get fired from that job…” I damned near drove off the road I was laughing so hard. Later, Jeff asked, “OMG, what am I teaching these kids?” That’s an easy one. You’re teaching them that life goes on through disappointment, that you don’t always get what you expect, and that resilience is something we can all benefit from. I’m glad you went to your conferences and found the support you need. Jobs are jobs…there’s always another one out there. Your circle of friends and family will be there for you, and you’ll all be fine.

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